Kurosaki Ichigo vs Harry Potter
by MufflestheMighty
Summary: A deadly faceoff between the hero with the cool sword and the wimpy wizard with a stick. who will win in this battle to the death? Let's get ready to rumble! GHAAAAAAAARRGGGHHH!
1. Harry Potter vs ichigo

**Harry Potter vs. Ichigo**

It was a face-off. The air was crackling with tension, you could almost cut it with a knife, or sword, which was what Ichigo was doing, incidentally.

He was chasing a nerdy little teenager holding a grubby little stick of wood and screaming out latin incantations.

"Stupefy" a jet of neon red light bounced off the blade of Zangetsu.

"Damn" Ichigo swore, more from annoyance than anything

Meanwhile, Harry Potter was feeling rather proud of himself. He pushed his glasses up his nose and grinned as he fired off one spell after another at the orange haired boy, around his age, who held what resembled an enormous meat cleaver. Admittedly, Harry had been a bit frightened but the man did not attack him, so Harry decided to have a little fun.

"He he he" Harry was feeling rather happy, having performed a cheering charm on himself a few minutes ago.

Ichigo was near boiling point. The spells, though harmless were annoying as hell.

"Hey kid, If you don't back down, I will destroy y-" Ichigo tried to warn the boy but was rudely interrupted when a silver stag passed right through him.

"THAT'S IT, YOU'RE DEAD" Ichigo screamed

"heh?" Harry thought that the orange haired guy had screamed something in Japanese but he couldn't be sure.

Just then a massive surge of reiatsu blew Harry's glasses off

"aaaaah, I can't see, somebody help me." Harry swung his wand around blindly and poked himself.

"Bankai!!!!" Ichigo screamed and a blue pillar of reiatsu blew into the sky. Before the dust clouds could dissipate, there was a horrible roaring sound as Ichigo transformed into a Vizard. The masked bankai Ichigo leapt out and screamed in his horrible double voice

"GETSUGA TENSHOU!!!!!"

A black and red fang of reiatsu blew out of his sword…

"AAAAAA, PROTEGO PROTEGO PROT-." Harry stopped as he disintegrated.

"Any other stupid little schoolchildren want to mess with me???" Ichigo shrieked, losing all control as his hollow side dominated.

"huh? Where's Harry?" Ron drew his wand and stepped out from behind a rock


	2. Poor Ronald

Disclaimer: I don't own bleach, just hamsters

Ronald stepped out and looked around, to see a masked fiend holding a black sword and wearing tattered clothes smashing up a rock.

"Oh no!" Ron cried in dismay as he spotted Harry's glasses lying broken on the ground. "Harry's gonna be so mad."

"Did you do this?" Ron's quavering voice penetrated the fog of violence that Ichigo's hollow mask brought upon him

"Heh???" Ichigo turned, baring his teeth and watching as the the red-haired boy screamed like a little girl, turned, tripped on his robes and fell heavily. Ichigo found it rather amusing, until the boy turned around again with a stick of wood.

"Not another one of you!!" Ichigo was outraged

"Petrificus Totalus" the red haired adolescent squeaked and Ichigo stiffened and fell in slow motion. While he fell, he managed to say all of the following:

"Damn, damn, what's happening, damn, I want to win, I want to win, I want to win, I must save everyone, I must, I must, Move damnit, Move damnit, Damn, Move, I want to-." And then he stopped talking because this is when the ground hit his face very hard.

"Har, har" Ron said in a thick English accent as he pranced around. He soon stopped as a shadow fell across him.

"Ichigo? What the hell d'ya think you're doing getting beat by this guy?" Zaraki grinned.

"Za-za-za-za-za-za-za-za-za-za-zaraki Kenpachi!!!!" Ron screamed just because he liked the sound of his name. Come to think of it, he didn't know how he knew his name. He did not have time to contemplate his extraordinary knowledge due to another new arrival.

"Do not get arrogant, boy." Byakuya landed on tiptoe behind Ron, drawing his sword in the process.

Ron whirled. "Blimey, what's going on here, mate. What are you doin with that sword over there? Put it away!!" Ron flourished his wand. Zaraki chopped downwards and Ron's wand broke in half.

Ron stared dumbly at his half a stick of wood, but was distracted by Byakuya

"Bankai" Byakuya dropped his sword, it disappeared into the ground, only to reappear as a thousand swords, each splitting into a million petals, every single one of them a lethal cutting blade.

Ron was stunned.

"Shall we?" Zaraki grinned at his fellow captain, byakuya nodded coldly.

The pink petals zoomed in onto Ron at the same time Zaraki tore off his eyepatch and smashed downward.

The resulting explosion could be seen throughout Soul Society. A wisp of red hair floated through the execution grounds, the only thing remaining of Ronald Bilius Weasley.

Hermione stopped reading her book

"I simply _can't_ concentrate" she exclaimed "I mean, seriously, why can't they be more considerate." Drawing her wand and pinning on her prefect badge, she headed towards the execution grounds.


	3. Hermione's downfall

Disclaimer: I not owning bleach

"Thanks guys" Ichigo looked gratefully up at the two captains gratefully, "I don't know if I could have handled that freckled little squirt by myself."

"It would have been bad for me if you had died." Said Zaraki ominously, Byakuya kept silent, deciding Ichigo was not worth the trouble of opening his mouth. A moment later, it wouldn't have mattered, for Byakuya could not have opened his mouth even if he had wanted to.

"Colloportus!!" Hermione shouted "Colloportus, Colloportus" She sealed the gaping jaws of Zaraki and Ichigo who were staring at her in amazement. They were now utterly helpless. Being anime characters, they had to shout out attack names and then describe in full detail how each attack worked and how powerful it was, and then they had to brag about how this battle was over already. However, with mouths sealed shut, none of this was possible. Ichigo, Zaraki and Byakuya began panicking, running around and hitting each other.

"_What_ have you done with my friends!" Hermione shrieked, shattering Zangetsu's blade and making Byakuya's ears bleed. Zaraki's sharp teeth fell out one by one, Hermione's high pitched voice making his sinister grin look much less menacing.

"_Answer me!!"_ she screamed in a voice that brought 16 large dogs bounding across the execution grounds towards them, along with captain Komamura. The three other captains began drooling uncontrollably, rolling their eyes and slamming their heads into the ground. Komamura's fur all fell out.

"Very well," Hermione said, raising her wand "I shall have to force it out of you."

There was a flash and Yoruichi landed behind Hermione. Soi Fong alighted on her left and Kukkaku-san landed riding Jidanbou.

"Who did this?" Soi Fong asked. Hermione leapt into the air, raising her hand and looking desperate to be picked. Soi Fong narrowed her eyes.

"Stupefy!" Hermione screamed and Jidanbou keeled over unconscious.

"My god! She took out Jidanbou!! Just what is she??" The three women were stunned.

Kuukaku grabbed Hermione's wand and seeing as she had only one arm, broke it using her teeth.

"My…my wand!" Hermione sobbed, as Soi Fong and Yoruichi leapt into action, sprinting around her with Shunpo.

"Shunko!" They both shouted and the kidou attack blew the material off their backs. The sky filled with a brilliant nexus of white reiatsu. Soi Fong summoned the entire police force and released her zanpaktou.

Yoruichi smashed Hermione into the ground with a series of lightning fast kicks and punches, reinforced with Shunkou. Soi Fong led the police force on a charge with her middle finger held aloft like a rallying standard.

Hermione screamed very loudly, causing half the police force to keel over dead.

"We must end this!" Kuukaku shouted, shooting demon magic at Hermione. Soi Fong Leapt over the bodies of her comrades and Yoruichi closed in for the kill. Yoruichi kicked Hermione just as Soi Fong pricked her twice with her sword. Hermione screamed a horrible death wail, killing the rest of the police, before disappearing in a bright flash of light.

Neville crept out from behind a rock, looking for his toad, Trevor.


	4. Chapter 4

"Excuse me, have you seen my toad?" Neville asked Yamamoto. He did not think the old man knew, but it didn't hurt to ask.

"What?? Intruders!!" Yama-jii screamed, "Full alert!! All captains, release your swords, destroy this boy!!"

"huh?" Neville panicked. This had gone horribly wrong. He just wanted his toad. Neville almost ran, but he remembered what Ron had told him about standing up for himself and anyway, this old man didn't look so tough, he could probably take him.

"Hyaah" Neville said pathetically with an English accent, bumping Yama-jii's chest with his hand. Yamamoto felt a tickle and looked down.

"YOU DARE ATTACK ME??" Yamamoto tore off his shirt, revealing his sexy chest muscles and biceps. He admired his own scars, they were really popular with the ladies.

"RYUUJINJAKKA!!" he screamed, and everything burned, including Neville. A chicken walking along the road became roast chicken and got eaten by Renji.


End file.
